Growth is an interesting thing. It’s not always easy (in fact, it rarely is) and it comes with its fair share of ups and downs. The redeeming factor of being dedicated to growth is reaping the inevitable benefits that come along with it.
Growth can result in:
- new perspectives
- a better understanding of self (and others)
- new tools to do life with
- enhanced skills
- more earning power
- advanced systems
The reality is, that growth demands we put in the work. The kind of work that involves reviewing self in as unbiased a way as possible. Some might call this deep work. This type of work includes gaining an understanding of your own subconscious. On a spiritual level, it involves praying that God reveals idols in your life and convicts you of sin.
This year, I’ve learned quite a lot. Nothing particularly groundbreaking, but it’s been more about reaching a certain resolve on various pending thoughts about how best to do life.
Vague statements are so fun, aren’t they? Without further ado, let’s get into some of the practical things I’ve learned that may offer a smidge of value to you.
PSA: You Can’t Judge Your Past Self Based on Present Maturity and Understanding
Key Takeaway: Stop living in the past and beating yourself up based on your current perspective.
Key Actions: Make moves, fail fast, and lean into making adjustments on the fly.
The first time I played disk golf I realized what a great analogy it is for life. In the beginning, you have all sorts of ideas about what you’ll need to do to win the game.
As you toss your disc along the route though, you encounter obstacles you weren’t able to see from the starting vantage point. The moral of this analogy is that similar to life, we may have educated ideas about how best to go through life or approach a project, but it isn’t until we’ve stepped foot down a path that we can see clearly enough to make educated decisions.
I had this realization when my husband reminded me it isn’t fair to reproach my younger self for having wasted time based on my current-day vantage point. My past self didn’t have the understanding, perspective, or confidence of my current-day self. It is ironically a huge waste of time to bemoan the decisions made by your past self.
The actionable takeaway is to get up and make moves. Throw the disk down the lane toward the direction you’re aiming to go. Once you do, you’ll have a much better understanding of what you should do next versus sitting in analysis paralysis trying to solve all the perceived issues based on a limited viewpoint.
It’s Time to Assess Your Internal Dialogue and Revamp Self-Talk
Key Takeaway: The words and thoughts of your internal dialogue matter.
Key Action: Take stock of your internal dialogue. Reframe negative self-talk into positive messaging to cultivate a more resilient mindset.
It took me too long to realize negative self-talk isn’t a benign mantra that runs through my mind. I used to see it as my reward for not meeting the high expectations I put on myself. Now, I see internal dialogue as holding the power of life and death. What I repeatedly think and speak aloud to myself will affect my mindset, how I see reality, and my decisions down the road. Our words and thoughts should be counted and measured.
The way we speak to ourselves can have a profound impact on our mental well-being. Positive self-talk, the art of consciously fostering optimistic and encouraging inner dialogue, is a powerful tool that can shape our attitudes, emotions, and overall mental health.
Our minds constantly buzz with thoughts that form an internal dialogue. It is important to note this dialogue shapes our perception of the world and ourselves. Positive self-talk involves intentionally steering this inner monologue toward affirming, uplifting, and constructive messages instead of dwelling on self-doubt, negative predictions, and degrading comments. The way we talk to ourselves influences our mindset.
Focusing on positive self-talk allows us to cultivate a more resilient and optimistic mindset. Positive self-talk encourages us to view challenges as opportunities for learning and growth rather than insurmountable obstacles. Adopting a growth mindset can be transformative. When we reframe setbacks as stepping stones to success, we develop a growth mindset that fosters continuous improvement and resilience vs one that looks only to highlight the negative.
Growth in Leadership
Leadership is a tough subject that is multifaceted. While there is certainly a hierarchy, at every level there is also the opportunity to take on a leadership role vs. sitting back and waiting for others to take charge.
Growing as a leader is similar to growing as an adult. At first, it’s about going through the motions. Eventually, there comes a point in time when every little kid has to grow up and realize she has to stand on her own two feet. That process involves learning to trust your instinct, defining your voice, and eventually learning how to share the worthwhile ideas that you bring to the table.
The other element of leadership is growing in servanthood. A good leader is someone who seeks to serve. This becomes more apparent when you have people counting on you. Whether that be students in a classroom or children in a household, leadership involves steering and organizing as well as serving and considering those that fall under your jurisdiction.
Holding Space for Yourself – How to Create a Framework for Decision Making
Maintaining the status quo as a default approach to life is not a winning approach.
Too often we approach situations, relationships, work interactions, etc. banking on the status quo. This is an operational error. Situations and relationships don’t just maintain themselves forever and ever into the continuum of time.
This may sound extremely obvious, but let me tell you, this is not my forte. I don’t like to change and lean too far on the side of believing things will just maintain. As a result, I have a much harder time moving on in the face of this simple reality. This is especially true when it comes to relationships like friendships.
Having the head knowledge that people change is different from being able to hold space for yourself in the face of those changes when it comes to changes that may result in lower levels of compatibility.
All I’m trying to say is, that when the default is no longer an option, holding space for yourself to figure out the new norm is much better than trying to force the outdated status quo. From that place of space (lol), you can then come up with a new framework to guide your decisions.
This may sound like a remedial class for those who are not chronic people pleasers. For those of us who are people pleasers, it is a novel Nobel Peace Prize-winning idea.
If You Stop Growing, You’re Actually Dying
To wrap up, it is important to drive home one of the truest realities of life. That is, if we stop growing, we are actually dying. This statement is hyperbolic, but the core is still true. Once we stop pushing forward with working out, eating well, feeding our spirit, keeping a clean house, etc. we instantly start regressing in the exact opposite direction.
This reality is rooted in the physics principle of entropy. I learned about this term in 7th grade and it has stuck with me ever since. Entropy is an in-depth mathematical equation that was introduced in 1850 by Rudolph Clausius and involves the transfer of heat and availability of order in molecules as it relates to the capacity to do work.
Phew, that was a mouthful. In layman’s terms, the principle essentially states: that the physical world is always increasing in disorder and chaos on a molecular level. We can easily see this around us. A house left unattended will be swamped with spiders and dust, and a body that is undisciplined and unmoving will atrophy and grow weak and be worse off for it.
It’s important to remember, that whether you like it or not, you are moving in a direction. And believe me, the direction of negligence, laziness, and ease lead to living a lower quality of life. Emphasizing a mindset of growth won’t add days to your life, but it should improve the quality of those days.
